Let the Guessing Commence

We moved back to Utah in March, just a few weeks ago.  Almost as soon as we were back I scheduled an appt with Utah Fertility Center in Pleasant Grove.  I was really nervous for my first appt.  I felt like I had to dress really nice and look really good to compensate for my perceived lack of womanhood by not being able to conceive. I still consciously dress for my appts, but only really focus on wearing fun socks since that’s what they’ll be seeing at each ultrasound and procedure ha.  It was hard walking into my first appt because as soon as I stepped foot inside everybody knew exactly why I was there.  At least at regular dr appts you have a sense of anonymity. Walking into Utah Fertility Center didn't leave much up to the imagination as to why I was there. I know, of course, that there's nothing wrong with me because we have no baby, but I still can't help but feel embarrassed or guilty when it comes up.  I feel like less of a woman and inadequate. 

I met with Dr. Conway and instantly liked her.  I told her we’d been trying to have a baby for a long time and we were ready to jump right in.  What I really liked about her was that she actually listened to me.  She didn’t try to tell me to just try longer, to time sex differently, or that we were doing everything wrong.  She was on board with what I wanted, and so we proceeded.  That appt, and every one since, has been a whirlwind of drugs and information.

At my first appt I had an ultrasound to see what my uterus and ovaries looked like.  Turns out my uterus is tipped backwards, which she said I share with 1 in 10 women (including my sister and my Mom) and that it didn’t make one bit of difference.  She counted and measured the eggs in my ovaries and said everything looked great.  She started me on Clomid and gave me instructions on how to self-administer Bravelle, a hormone designed to stimulate the follicles in my ovaries.  We set up an appt for two days later to do a hysterosalpingogram (hsg) and then another appt for the next Tuesday to do a follow-up ultrasound to see if the drugs worked.

I dutifully took the Clomid and called the pharmacy (Avella) to have them ship the Bravelle injections to me. Each single use vial of Bravelle was $60 and they shipped me three, totaling $180.  I reminded myself that we were all in and paid for the ability to stick myself with a needle.  So great.  

I did feel overwhelmed after that first appointment, but I also felt hopeful.  It was so refreshing to finally be taking steps forward.  We were no longer on our own month after month, enduring what we call "utilitarian sex" in the hopes of conceiving. I came away from the appt feeling that conception was again a possibility.