I want to start this off by stating that Felipe supports this blog and that I have him proof each entry before I post. This is a very personal and emotional topic and I don't want either of us to be uncomfortable sharing this part of our lives. That being said, the main purpose of writing and sharing all this is in the hopes that you may have some advice, tips, or words of encouragement for us and that we in turn may provide the same to those going down the same road we are. If our experiences can help anyone out there, I'd be thrilled.
The decision to start a family is a major decision. It's very personal, and for us, spiritual. When we were dating and first married we both felt that waiting about two years was a good amount of time. We wanted time to be with each other and figure out marriage before adding a baby into the mix. How quickly we learned that the Lord's plan is not our own! The first time we went to the temple after our wedding we both had distinct impressions that we needed to start our family. We were married the last day of March and I didn't go off birth control until July. Those three months in between were months spent trying to convince each other it was time. More accurately, it was time spent trying to convince Felipe. I was on board from day one ha.
The next few months were full of hope! I had no idea what we were getting into. We even took a trip to Disneyland, buying little souvenirs for the tiny thing that might have been in my stomach. Fast forward to January: I had been charting for several months and still no baby. I felt like each month was broken into two 2 week periods; the first 2 weeks were hope and dutiful sex while the last two were waning hope and eventual disappointment. This was probably the period where I most questioned why God had told us to move forward and why He supposedly wasn't helping us out. I went to the dr for something unrelated and brought up my concerns that it had been 7 months and no luck. She just told me that this takes time and told us to time sex differently. I knew something was wrong then because I had been charting for so long. We were educated people. We knew how to time sex. She wasn't any help.
We quickly learned that there is a major difference between love-making and baby-making. We had only been married half a year and sex became a chore, or a duty. It became a means to an end. Closer to the summer we decided to stop focusing so much on having a baby and to just let what happen, happen. There was still a deep desire for a baby, but life became so much less stressful and we were just able to enjoy being newlyweds again.
This was about the time I started feeling like our family was incomplete. I started feeling an unseen push. There was one distinct time where Felipe and I were on a walk and I just kept looking around, certain we were missing someone.
I believe this was the catalyst for our next stage, the fertility testing stage. The stage of poking, prodding, and endless hormones.
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