Spotting is Scary

One of my biggest fears is that I will become a hypochondriac; don't worry about the logic behind a fear of becoming overly fearful.  More accurately, I'm afraid people will view me as a hypochondriac. On Monday I was at work when I realized I had started spotting.  Of course my first concern was about the baby and then I was concerned about what the clinic would think about me if I called in and asked them if this was normal.  I also don't like people knowing that sometimes I just don't know things.  I was pretty sure I shouldn't be concerned but of course I was still scared because this is my first time and I really don't know anything.  I clocked out of work and went outside to call the clinic (because I'm sure my coworkers did not want to hear about the blood on my underwear...odd) and the secretary told me the nurse would call me right back. And then I waited for 40 minutes, which was great. I haven't bled at all my entire pregnancy, not even really any implantation spotting.  The nurse told me it was probably fine but I could go in to check the baby if I wanted.  Since she wasn't concerned I convinced myself that I wasn't either, and decided to wait until my appt on Wednesday. And then I called Felipe but he was teaching a class and couldn't answer.  I was a little glad he didn't answer because I'm sure I would have burst into tears.  Sometimes being scared is hard. And then I went back to work and acted normal and pretended I wasn't secretly going to the bathroom every five minutes to check my pants.  Oh son, why do you have to worry me already?  This really was not a big deal and I have been so blessed in this pregnancy to be really healthy. And I think this was really hardest for Felipe because he was teaching a class and trying to surreptitiously text me at the same time and just so worried.  I was sorry to have worried him but it was so sweet to see his concern.

I did have my regularly scheduled appointment with a midwife yesterday (which was not a great visit, but for other reasons) and the baby's heartbeat was great.  And no spotting since.  Hopefully that was a one time fluke.  I also secretly think that the clinic didn't believe me when I told them we hadn't had sex in the last few days.  That was the first question both the nurse on Monday and then the midwife on Wednesday asked me and when I answered no they both paused a minute and then said something along the lines of "well, it's really common to have a little bleeding after intercourse, so I wouldn't be concerned".  It is just so great not to be believed.  But baby is fine and that's what's important.  Let's keep the scary things in the past!

A Boy's Story is the Best That is Ever Told

I know my blog is behind the times and most everybody knows that we are having a boy, but I love my boy and I love his story so I wanted a post just for announcing and re announcing and then proclaiming: We are having a son! The title of this post is a quote from Charles Dickens and the sexism slightly grates on me but I will send it to the back of my mind and just enjoy it.  Some of Dickens' books I can't stand.  I have tried so many times to read Hard Times and just can't get through it.  Oliver Twist made me so emotionally distraught that I ended up throwing the book across the room...and then picking it up again and reading the last chapter just so I knew it would end up ok.  But Great Expectations is one of my favorite books and I thought it fitting to use a Dickens quote for the title since we are (most likely) naming our son Phillip. Phillip is after Felipe, not after a neglected and abused little boy, but I still like the idea that one of my favorite books is being embodied through something that we created.

We had the gender check on the last day of my 15th week.  I was nervous that it would be too early to see anything but the ultrasound was beautiful.  The baby was relaxing the whole time with his legs propped up and his arms behind his head and when the tech showed us his little weiner Felipe and I both teared up.  We also saw the heart pumping blood and could see his little developing brain.  We have the ability to create another human body with our own human bodies and I don't think this gets the fanfare and respect it deserves.  When I stop to think about it it awes me.  We are thrilled to be having a boy, but I was still a little sad for the girl who could have been.  I think I would have felt the same way either way.

We had the gender check in the middle of my family reunion so we were able to announce to almost the whole family at the same time what we were having.  I had prepared a bunch of craft sticks before hand with mustaches and bows at the top and then colored the bottom tips green, which were then hidden in little pebbles. On the count of three everybody drew a stick and they all found out together.  A son!  Felipe is already talking about when he can watch soccer games with him and I just love it.  e. e. cummings wrote that "the world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful" and that is the world that I cannot wait to introduce to my son.

That mark by his leg is his umbilical cord, not his man part.
Don't be alarmed.

I cannot make things look cute, but that doesn't
stop me from having a good time trying!