I had been on the fence about a hospital birth before Phillip was born but for whatever reason decided on the hospital route. When I was pregnant again we decided to tour birthing centers. The first trimester of this new pregnancy was basically spent in panic. I did not want to give birth again. Phillip's birth was so hard and painful and I felt like it was just something that I poorly endured. But I also didn't want drugs or a hospital birth so....I just didn't think about it.
We took a tour of Birthing Your Way in Lehi and felt good about it. I knew someone who had given birth there and liked it and we had also taken a class there when I was pregnant with Phillip so we had at least a little experience with them. I contacted Carrie, our doula from Phillip's birth, and asked if she'd help us with this one, too. Then we were good to go and waited for the baby to be born.
Around 33 weeks I started having contractions. They started getting stronger and more frequent so we went in for a stress test. They gave me some stuff to calm things down, which it did, and then we just kept an eye on it. I secretly hoped that something minor would go wrong so I'd have to go to the hospital and having an epidural. My heart of hearts didn't really want that but the pain and fear part of my heart certainly did.
I started scouring the internet for positive birth stories to read, and I found some great ones! They really helped me start feeling pumped and capable. I re-read Ina May Gaskin's book and plastered my mirror with affirmations. There were two things that I thought about a lot that really helped me mentally prepare for Cora's birth. They both came from birth stories I read. One mother said that if you're going to jump off a cliff just do it. Don't spend time worrying about it. And I know that's silly but it really helped me. I was going to do this and there was no point stressing over it. The second mother said that the laboring mother sets the mood. And that really hit me. Phillip's birth was traumatic for me. It was hard and painful and I was on the verge of breaking down the whole time. I didn't want Cora's birth to be like that. I knew it would be work but I also wanted maybe not so much to enjoy the experience (I felt that was too much to hope for) but I did want it to be a positive experience.
Wednesday morning, September 16, I woke up a little after six and thought I might be having contractions. I was 41+2 and soooo ready to not be pregnant anymore. My friend (due a couple weeks after me) had gone into labor the night before and I went to bed in a bit of an angry jealous fit. Maybe that's what did it! Anyways, I just laid in bed that morning and had a few contractions. I knew our baby would be coming soon and that things would get busy so I just took the time to be still. I really enjoyed being the only one who knew what was happening. It was just me and my body, sharing this little secret. Felipe woke up around 7 and started getting ready for work. I told him that I was pretty sure I was in labor and he made arrangements to have his work meetings for the day covered/cancelled.
I got up and rechecked everything to be sure we were packed and ready to go and started making breakfast for me and Phillip (oatmeal). My contractions started getting stronger and got to the point where I had to drop everything and just concentrate each time one came on. Felipe followed me around this whole time, timing contractions and telling me I really ought to call the midwives and Carrie. I was putting that all off for as long as I could because I wanted to labor at home as long as possible and not spend a bunch of time at the birthing center waiting for the baby to be born. By the time breakfast was ready I didn't feel like eating and just wanted to soak in the shower. I called Katelyn to let her know I was in labor and would be dropping Phillip off in a little bit. Felipe had to finish the call because I had a contraction mid conversation. Then I called the midwife on call and let her know what was going on and texted Carrie to tell her I was going to shower and then would meet her at the birthing center. Felipe woke up Phillip and got him ready while I showered. It's a funny thing but squatting got me through each contraction. I must have done a million squats that morning. I kept doing that in the shower. I'd enjoy the water, squat through a contraction, and then keep on showering. It was heaven in there! I thought labor was going great. My contractions weren't pain so much as they were power. With Phillip each contraction knocked me over and took me down. With Cora I kind of fused with each contraction and just let the power envelop me. It's hard to explain. But I just let it happen. I didn't fight it and I didn't fear it. I knew each contraction was bringing me my baby and I also think squatting helped direct the power inside of me. While I was showering I reached inside of me and thought I could feel the baby's head. It may or may not have been her (I don't know what else it would have been) but in any case it made me think it was time to get out of the shower and get a move on.
Felipe was really anxious for us to get to the birthing center but I really just wanted to take things slow and max out our time at home. I thought we'd have hours and hours. After my shower my contraction were so close together and very draining. I tried to dress between contractions but didn't have the energy. I needed that time to just recover. Felipe kept trying to (kindly) hurry me and I tried to explain I just couldn't. So he ended up dressing me ha.
We left the house a little after 8:30. There was no way I was sitting properly in the front seat of our car and ended up hugging the seat with my butt in the air, powering through each contraction. Felipe drove like a (safe) maniac and we made it to Katelyn's house in record time. I was in the zone, just focusing on keeping things together. I almost lost it a few times between Katelyn's house and the birthing center, where I would start to whimper and break down. Felipe would remind me that I could absolutely do this and that it would be fantastic. Before labor had started I thought a lot about how I wanted this birth to go and tried to pinpoint what exactly scared me about it. I thought it would help me to have Felipe tell me that I was safe and that I was loved, so when labor actually started and I needed encouragement, that's what I asked him to repeat to me over and over. I love who Felipe and I become when I'm giving birth. We are a fantastic team and there's no other experience we could share that would give us this dimension of love and respect for each other. It's amazing to feel the power of childbirth course through your body and to know, at the same time, that you are so safe and so loved.
Carrie met us in the parking lot of the birthing center (along with a nurse, I think) and we all went upstairs to the birthing room. It was about 9 by now and the morning light was shinning through the window. The room was so peaceful and cozy. Some delicious smelling oil was being diffused and there was soft music playing in the background (which was nice but quickly replaced by Mumford and Sons-soul music!). The tub was full and warm and just waiting for me to slip in. I wasn't feeling any fear or apprehension. I was pumped! I was ready to go and ready to party and I remembered that the birthing mother sets the mood. I was so happy and just loved everyone that was there. I practically tore off all my clothes and asked them to check me and was so pleasantly surprised to find that I was already at a 9. Throughout my pregnancy I imagined I'd want to go right into the tub first thing but when the time came I was happy to just labor standing up for a while. I squatted my life away for a little bit with Carrie and Felipe at my side. Carrie reminded me to just go ahead and push if I felt pushy and I admitted that I didn't want to push because I hadn't pooped yet that day. Ain't nobody got time for public pooping! She reassured me that of course nobody cared about that, not even a big deal. I got into the tub and had a few more contractions. I didn't really make a conscious decision to start talking to my baby, but it happened. I just started telling her how much she was loved and how excited we were to see her and how lucky she was and encouraging her to come out. I also really wanted to just kiss Felipe between contractions. This was so much better than Phillip's birth. When I think of Phillip's birth I see it in tones of gray and in darkness and cold and fear. When I think of Cora's birth I smile and bask in it and it feels like how the sun feels on your arms.
When I was in the tub I was surrounded on all sides by people who loved me. I felt so much love. It was so peaceful and I'd even say sacred. I'd close my eyes during each contraction and push against the sides of the tub (I was on all fours) and then growl/moo my heart out. Then I'd open my eyes and pull Felipe to me and kiss him. I wanted more of a soul kiss and he would just go for the little peck, so that was a little off putting to me but I never did vocalize that. There was no room for talking! I started pushing and pushing and pushing and then started wondering if maybe my eyeballs were going to burst out of my head and maybe I would in fact push out my entire insides. There were a couple of times where I would say I couldn't do it anymore and then the loving people at my side would tell me that yes I could and that I was doing so well. And I would dig deep inside and gather all the strength and keep going. One more contraction. One more push. Somebody touched me and told me to push their fingers out. So I concentrated all my pushing. I called muscles to the forefront that I didn't even know I had. My body was power! And then Cora came. Somebody told me to look down at my baby but I was concentrating too hard and just shook my head no. I felt her leave my body. Everything was heightened. I was just so present. I didn't miss a single moment of her birth. Our bodies had worked together so well. We were a great team! My beautiful baby was born and the power inside of my body dissipated, having done its work fantastically. I could hear the midwife telling whoever it was who caught the baby to hold her bottom down and her head up. I don't know what the deal was with that but I opened my eyes after a few seconds and there was my beautiful squishy baby. My daughter. My baby, my daughter.
I turned around in the tub and rested against it while they drained the tub and waited for the placenta. The placenta came and they put it in a ziploc bag so I could move to the bed. Felipe and I just laid on the bed and enjoyed our beautiful child. Everybody loved on Cora and we spent time trying to fix a name to her. She ended up not being named for another week. It's hard work! Eventually they clamped Cora's cord and Felipe cut it. They weighed and measured Cora and did all their assessing right there on the bed with us. Cora was 9 pounds 8 ounces and 21 inches, born barely an hour after we go to the birthing center. I ended up having about 2 stitches for a tear and they said I had a few "slits" (yeah...baby tears maybe? Idk) and could stitch them if I wanted but I didn't need it. It would only make it sting less when I peed if they stitched it, which, incidentally, I am all for, so stitch they did.
I took a shower and Carrie left and the midwives let us just exist in the room for a while. We ate snacks and loved on Cora and just enjoyed the moment. After an hour (or five, I can't remember) we packed up and headed out. I was hardly sore at all and my body felt great. I couldn't move without crying after Phillip was born and here I was, hours after Cora, and was going down stairs and showering and walking around without a care. It was a dream. We drove to Katelyn's to see Phillip and show off Cora and then went home.
Recovery was amazing. I was hardly sore and my body felt great (we even walked around Ikea four days later). Postpartum cramps were a mean trick but they only lasted a few days. Sitting down and standing up was the most painful part of my recovery just because my thighs were shot from all my labor squats. And here we are, 7 weeks later, enjoying our growing family. I wish everybody could experience birth like I did with Cora. There is nothing more empowering.
